Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Learning to find the balance between losing weight, eating right, exercise, working, playing, cleaning house, etc. etc. etc. is certainly a challenge. Some weeks a greater challenge then others. In the midst of finding this balance, I am realizing that it is the lesson-finding the balance.

Sometimes the scales tilt in the direction of one thing and sometimes in the direction of the other. This week I have had monumental moments related to stress eating and comfort food. After a particularly stressful event occured in my life on Monday with the residual effects and "clean up" on Tuesday, I found myself present with the desire to stress eat, despite the fact that I planned my lunch , had it ready to go, I was ready to bolt out the door and order a cheeseburger, fries and a soda from McDonald's, calculating the points in my head, I justified why I deserved that lunch and that I would "feel better" after consuming this meal. As I struggled with this inner dialogue, a single thought came into my mind. "The food is not going to make me feel better. It's just food" With this thought, I chose, to eat my planned lunch. Much happier, I might add and it tasted so good.

A similar challenged occured on Tuesday for dinner, when I attempted to justify the same meal for dinner, as I was "eating on the run" . LOL, Really twice in one day, I attempted to sabotage my goals to feed the frustration and emotion I was feeling in that moment. I once again, opted for something else, really enjoying the meal that I chose, instead of the "comfort food".

Food is used for so many reasons, celebration, grieving, connecting with others, the list goes on, and as I choose to look deeper into my connections with food, my reasons for eating, I am realizing that eating has been a barrier I've chosen to put up, out of fear. A fear of being rejected, a fear of not fitting in, a fear of being misunderstood, a fear of ... You get the point.

As I travel on this path, realizations and blessings present themselves to me in so many different ways. It's in choosing to walk with my eyes open. Listening to my insight, my divine inner voice where the changes come.

My walking continues to be steady, although I must admit, even though I got up to walk this morning, I used the lame excuse that I could not find a pair of socks, and didn't want to put the light on (to not awaken hubby) so I crawled back into bed, and slept for another hour. LOL, finding myself to be sluggish and irritated today. After work, I went to the Y, and did the elliptical, for 30 minutes, today it was a long hard 30 minutes. I feel better now.

As I mentioned earlier, glorious moments occur when my intention matches my action, but sometimes when my intention is weak, my actions take over supporting my long term goal, health. In these moments it takes me time to quiet the chatter and resistance in my mind, but so far in the end, I find that place of self pride and delight.

Blessing to all

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